September 20, 2020
❄
from one creator to another
do you ever fall in love with something you create?
a desiccated war zone, a burning heat boiling my skin
or a freezing finality, a graveyard at the edge of the world
i could only create feelings until i met you
the missing piece was your head on my shoulder
the color i learned that day was pink
from pink i created every other color
from ivory towers to chartreuse meadows
from jealousy dissolved in jade lakes to eigengrau hatred,
from purple like the corruption to royal rage painted in royal red
i saw it in the trees and flowers
i saw it in the coffee we ordered that morning
we really should have checked the price first
but you still wanted coffee and i still wanted coffee
i was embarrassed and to calm me down, you held my hand
i saw it in your fingers as they intertwined with mine
these are the golden days
that should never have come
and will never come again
everything is falling apart again
like the first time
(what is wrong with me?)
but this time
well
(i'm not really okay, i'm stressed, i'm falling behind, i'm traumatized, i'm tired, i'm scared, i'm trying my hardest but failing at everything that matters and i can't focus, but, still)
i hope things work out
(i really do)